It's time...

I'm starting my journey into the raw and living food lifestyle once again.  This time, it's not going to be about starting and stopping and starting and stopping.  It starts here.  This is the beginning, and there will never be an end.  Up until now, when I'm successful at following a raw food diet I have considered myself "on track", and then when I start eating too much cooked food I consider myself "off track".  This has been a mistake, because once I tell myself I'm "off track", it's basically telling myself I'm not a raw foodist anymore, and it takes me forever to get back to raw food.  Not to mention I don't feel good about myself.  Can anyone else relate to this?

When I think about the many times I've tried to go raw and slid back into cooked food, it makes me... I dunno... sad and frustrated.  But, sad and frustrated has obviously not worked for me in the past, so my new plan is to be gentle with myself.  Yes I "discovered" the raw and living food lifestyle in 2005.  Yes, it's been 3 years and I'm still living in the land of cooked food, though there were several periods in there where I was 100% raw for a month or two at a time. Being an "off and on" raw foodist is not where I want to be, so I'm changing my tune, and I'm confident things will be different this time.  I'm confident I will get there.

Since I've been living on cooked and processed food for 38 years, I can't expect changes overnight.  Sure, other raw foodists have said they discovered raw, went 100% raw the next day and never looked back.  That's great for them, and they are awesome people and a great inspiration.  :)  But just because that didn't work for me doesn't mean I'm any less of a person.  It doesn't mean I'm any less wonderful.  :-)  It doesn't mean I will be any less healthy then they are once I get back on track and stay there.  I'm done beating myself up over this.   All I can do is keep trying.  I've strived for 100% raw in the past, and that has not worked.  I try too hard to be perfect, and then when I eat one little morsel of something that's not considered raw and living food, I feel like I've failed, and that leads to a downward spiral back into SAD land.  (For those new to the living food lifestyle, that stands for Standard American Diet, basically cooked and processed food).  So...  This is my new plan:

• Strive for 100% raw, and be as raw as possible.  The more raw food I eat, the more my body will crave it.  So I will eat as much raw as I can, with a goal of 100%.
• Be gentle with myself.  If I do eat or drink something that's not raw, I will realize that even though I wasn't 100% raw, I'm "high raw" that day, I'm still a raw foodist who strives to eat only the best food nature has to offer, and make sure the next thing I eat is wonderful raw food.
  
• Be an excellent example for my husband who has health problems and wants to be raw too, and my daughter who loves raw food.
• Try new raw recipes every week to keep things interesting.  I know from past experience when I'm transitioning to raw food, I'm not always satisfied with "simple" raw (whole fruits, salads and smoothies) and sometimes need something more heavy and recipe-based to make me feel like I'm not missing those favourite cooked meals.  My hubby is this way too.  I'm sure the longer we are raw the more we won't need the recipes and heavier/dehydrated foods in order to feel content, but I know we will need it occasionally in the beginning.  And we have lots of wonderful raw food recipe books on the shelf to choose from.
• Blog every day, at least once.  I've realized how much of my journey is based on my emotional attachments to food and the way I feel about myself.  So I really think it will help to consistently do what I'm doing now, and get my thoughts down in black and white.  I will also blog what I'm eating every day, so I can be accountable for how I'm doing.
• Exercise.  At least 3 times a week.  I have a lot of weight to lose.  And I really need to get moving.  I used to run a lot and really loved it.  Exercise helps me feel better about myself too.
• I will not be scared of success.  I deserve to be happy and healthy.  I'm a good wife, a great mom, and a lovable, caring person.

The last statement might seem like a strange statement to some.  Why would I be scared of success?  But you know, when I think back to my previous experiences with raw, it always seems to be when I start feeling good that I fall back to cooked food.  When the detox symptoms subside (oh yeah... detox... something to look forward too, LOL!!) and I start to feel that wonderful raw energy that everyone talks about, I get scared for some reason and sabotage myself.  I'm a very emotional person.  I think it's been my way of protecting my life the way it is or something.  It's like I'm scared of how my life will change when I'm happy and healthy and full of energy.  In other words, not hiding behind my extra weight.  But now that I've realized this, I won't let myself fall victim to those feelings.  I want to be successful.  I want to have lots of energy.  I want to be healthy, and I don't want to be overweight anymore.  I want to be vibrant for my family.  I can only end up an even better Mom as a result, and my daughter deserves everything I can possibly give her.

So, this is my plan.  It's a start.  As I progress on my journey, I'm sure I will add more things to tackle in my life that need work.  But these are my main goals for now.  I'm really going to try and not look back and dwell on the past too much.  I need to look forward.  I need to be proud of myself for getting up again and going for it.  I feel good that I want to improve myself.  I know raw food will heal my body, my emotions, and help me get in touch with my true self.  I love raw food!!!!!

I hope you will follow me on my journey, and let me know you're here.  Your support would mean a lot.  I know there are other struggling raw foodists out there that can relate to me.  I'd love to hear from you.  And if you have a blog too, please let me know.  Reading about other people's experiences often helps.  :)

Debra